Why Are Things Not Changing?
Why are things not changing for me? I am giving it everything I have, yet I continue to be unable to change “X”. “X” can be many things: Implementing an exercise program, losing weight, looking for a new job, eliminating a bad relationship from your life, going back to school. Does this sound like you? Here are reasons why you might be stuck.
Your goals are not clear: This is the #1 reason that change does not occur for people. They have not made clear goals. To make a clear goal, it must be SMART. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound. Let’s use the example for weight loss. You might state, I want to lose weight. Wanting to lose weight is a wish, not a goal. An example of a SMART goal would be, I (specific) will (measurable) lose 20 pounds (time-bound) within the next 10 weeks (relevant) because I have a doctor’s appointment in 12 weeks. When your SMART goal is complete, ask yourself; Is this within my control to achieve? Have I found the empowerment within me to commit to the goal / change I just wrote down? And WRITE IT DOWN.
You don’t believe you can: Not having the confidence within yourself to change is very uncomfortable. You want to move forward but you are scared. Not believing stems from fear. There is a difference between ability and commitment. Commitment is a pledge or a dedication to the change. Ability is having the skills to implement change. It is the lack of skills or tools that creates your fear, not the ability to commit. Many times, these two words are misrepresented. Once you have your SMART goal written and you asked yourself if it is achievable, your answer yes? If you hesitated, ask what the gaps in your toolbox are. For example: What program or platform will you use to lose weight? Would an appointment with a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist help? Do I have a buddy for support? Once you understand the tools you need to perform your goal, your fear will lessen.
You have self-identified with what you want to change: This can be a difficult, and sometimes hard to understand conundrum. As a health coach, I hear statements such as “I have always been a fat girl” or “I have never been able to exercise” or “My body hurts too much to workout”. Yet they want to lose weight or exercise. Self-identification can be a limiting factor to seeing into the future. Stop identifying with where you are presently (because you won’t be there long), and start identifying with the change you want to be. In place of “I have always been fat”, reword and say “I am excited to improve my health”. In place of my body hurts too much, reword and say “When I start this exercise program I know I will hurt less”. Do not let your present self-identification be an excuse for not moving forward. Give yourself permission to shift your focus from the present to the future. That is the way you are going right?
You have the power to make change within you. Don’t give up! Clarifying your goals, identifying the gaps in your toolbox and identifying with your future self are three steps towards making change happen for you. Check out my blog You Have the Power and The Change Thief for more.